Meh

kenanek:

beetledrink:

going to be thinking about this reddit post for the rest of my life actually

(via saccharine-heart)

hungwy:

goopy-amethyst:

Begging Staff to let me get a look at how the fuck does Tumblr’s algorithm work

Look at my post boy

(via sodomymcscurvylegs)

Anonymous asked:

Well well. Look who came back like a dog to his own vomit

sodomymcscurvylegs:

THIS IS TUE FUNNIEST DESCRIPTION

emperorsfoot:

primaveravenus:

running up the hill to make a deal with god again. anyone need anything

can you get him to swap our places

(via illogipie)

Anonymous asked:

can i get some advice on something? so i have three jobs, at one of them everyone thinks im a catholic girl, one thinks im a faggot, and the last one thinks im a butch lesbian. im literally just bisexual guy with a lisp. anyway at the last job i have a milf coworker who i think is hitting on me? she keeps giving me candy and leaving me notes to find at my station. but also she has a mean soccer mom haircut :/ what should i do? i also dont want to ruin her awakening to women if thats whats happening

chillgamesh-the-swing:

kristina100000:

“this person is lgbt” “what, all at once?”

mariaalenkoshepard:

:

twofingerswhiskey:

unpatchedglitch:

twofingerswhiskey:

ryebreadgf:

so many ppl on tiktok will be like ‘look at my epic style glow up omg my style used to be so cringe’ and it just shows them wearing clothes that were in fashion in 2015 and then clothes that are in fashion now like baby that’s what happens when u don’t have ur own sense of style

got called “omg vintage” by a secretary in training at the dentist’s office on sunday because i wore a shirt that was in style five years ago like. ma’am i bought that in 2016

this is WILD you can’t just leave this in the tags lmaoo

(cw: adult story below)

okay so basically the story went that he has. a fetish for guys with tats and piercings and this culminated in him getting real teeth KNOCKED OUT during a glory hole incident in 98 or 99 he can’t remember but basically the guy thrust in as he was catching his breath. and. teeth got knocked out. he was THAT HARD. 

so he gets dental implants and continues on his way, assured that he’ll never have to lose any more teeth. he used to bartend blah blah and was always complimented on his teeth but he eventually got them SNAPPED OUT during an altercation with a drunk guy and he got different ones put in and was like “oh, so this is a recurring theme in my life” and decided that he was going to swear off bartending.

so he moved out this way and started his “dick-sucking career” anew, hopeful, wide-eyed. and managed to get a piercing snagged on his fucking tonsil and they have to GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM TOGETHER BECAUSE THE GUY IS STUCK IN HIS FUCKING THROAT AND HE CAN ONLY BREATHE IF HE BREATHES AROUND THE DICK. it was at this moment i remembered that one fucking movie where a guy gets his prince albert piercing stuck in a lady as a killer is busting into the room and dies because he won’t cut it off and run or something

also as this is happening i’m waiting on x-ray results so i’m just. there lmao

and he was talking about how the guy NUTTED. IN THE AMBULANCE. BECAUSE OF THE VIBRATION OF THE ROAD. IN HIS THROAT. AND THEY HAD TO SUCTION IT OUT. WHAT THE FUCK. but it turns out that there was a bad cut to his gums as well because it was a spiked fucking piercing so he just. had to get a couple teeth replaced. again.

and they dated. for 2 more years. until he moved to serbia or something i forget that part i was laughing to hard. it might have been spain. idk anyways

the bf got stopped by airport security because this was a few years after 9/11 and he had to take half his piercings which were not “safe metals” for metal detectors (“because DIY punks are hotter” was his reason??) and he was like “do i take the dick one out too” (no, but he did get taken to be privately searched.) and it ended up, that his boyfriend (the guy in the dental office) laughed so hard, after hearing this story repeated, that he slipped and smacked face first into the edge of a table. and LOST HIS TEETH AGAIN, and ended up walking around “like a fucking christmas carol about wanting two front teeth” until his bf sent him money to get them fixed and then broke up with him “for some hot young thing”

so he gets new ones! and they lasted! they really did! for years!

and then, #4, was on sunday. he was so “inspired” after he was allowed to go on dates again. because quarantine and no-socialising rules and shit have hit hard here multiple times. that he “went too hard” at a small gay bdsm gathering. and he managed to both bend his teeth inwards and fuck his molars up FROM DICK SUCKING. and he was like “i was tied up there, thinking about how many times this has happened. and how some evil gay witch put a curse on me for being too good at sucking dick.” 

and he went on about how the kink club in question is technically helping to pay for this because they felt SO BAD and the guy who did this laughed his ass off and was like. i don’t have any money but once you get your teeth fixed - and the guy was like NO. I AM NOT SUCKING YOU OFF EVER AGAIN LOOK WHAT YOU DID

also this was told by the most middle-aged, boring looking man on earth. like picture an accountant, but gay and VERY clumsy and funny

(via illogipie)

keuhkopussirotta:

historical text: contains the word “urinomancy”

rational brain: This is the medieval word for the medical evaluation of urine, which was an important source of information before the era of modern medical tests.

me, beating my fists on the table: PISS WIZARD PISS WIZARD PISS WIZARD PISS WIZARD PISS WIZARD PISS WIZARD PISS WIZARD

(via of-themysciraa)

testosteronetwink:

hotmeat89:

cpineau1973:

cpineau1973:

blm1997:

hotmeat89:

heardbook:

thetyrannosaur:

hotmeat89:

hitting-on-cullen:

hotmeat89:

penguitron:

hotmeat89:

lowtiermemer:

hotmeat89:

eastbayfatman:

unbossed:

hotmeat89:

Have fun in the war dumbass I’ll be at home fucking military wives

Damn. Good way to get your fucking windows kicked in

shut the fuck up and raise my son bootlicker

All fun and games until someone with 3 confirmed kills shows up at your doorstep with a baseball bat

im not at my house tho, im at yours with your wife

But he’s got shooters all over the world 🌎 even when he’s away

just shot a load in his wife

You ungrateful asshole. My bf might be fighting for your freedom and you’re here mocking him for keeping your pathetic ass safe from the threats of the world. If a war comes to our country, we’re not saving you, you dumbass ungrateful fuck up of a human being.

Your bf is fighting for oil and killing civilians and probably cheating on you he’s a scumbag, which is why I just fucked his mom to make a better son

The fool taunts the hungry dogs but the dogs have their day and the fool becomes a feast

your girl boutta be the feast soon as you get deployed boot boy

World Heritage Post

Who ever was the first person to post this is the biggest piece of shit in the world. You’re an amoral ASSHOLE!!!!!

Hotmeat89 you are a disgrace you don’t deserve to be called an American! You don’t even have the right to call yourself a MAN!

I don’t call myself a man but your wife still calls me to fuck

happy veterans day

(via cloudfreed)